Transmission #3: ...and I can't sleep tonight...

"I'm too tired to be bored
I'm too bored to be tired..."

Insomnia. Again.
Damn, I'm sick of not being able to sleep. First it was my soul missing. Then it was Lucifer.
And now this.
Seriously, I'm so tired of this.

"...and my mind is playing tricks on me
And I can't sleep tonight
'cuz I'm so tired..."

I keep lying awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking.
And in the darkness, the memories come back. The horror comes back.

The fear comes back.

And sometimes I almost believe that I'm still in BL/ind, drugged with demon blood, still in the torture room, hallucinating from all the poison in my blood.

But... when I'm alone in the darkness... and I embrace it... all the fear disappears.
All the sadness disappears...
All the pain disappears, leaving me alone with the anger, alone with myself...
That's when I know I'm different. The darkness and the suffer don't scare me anymore... I actually enjoy them.

"...I'm too mental too go crazy..."

But damn, I'm so sick of people telling me I'm gonna go all dark side and start killing people and stuff.
I won't... would I?

"...I don't wanna hear about it
I don't wanna scream about it
I don't wanna hear it anymore..."

Sam Winchester out.

(Yeaaah. Poor Sammy.
But... GREEN DAY QUOTES FTW!)